Early February scrambled thoughts.

So I honestly don't have a single certain thought to write about, but multiple scattered thoughts that I feel like I should just get down, and cleared out of my mind.

Thought 1: Change. I don't understand the concept of change. Well, scratch that, yes I do. Some change is good.. while some change is not so good. That's life, and what makes it so much of a thrill. But at the same time, I wish the bad change would put itself to a minimum. People I used to know so well have changed so greatly that even their closest friends can't bear with the pure thought of them anymore. Changes of perspectives and feelings, that cause so much chaos that is completely unnecessary. Change is something that needs to happen, but at the same time, can hurt so many people. Even with the smallest of a detail.

Thought 2: Things I say frighten you. I know it; I can tell. And I'm so paralyzed in thought to whether or not that is a good thing. I can't seem to stress that enough, because I feel as though I've said it more than a million times. I guess it's safe to say that I'm terrified of falling so hard again. I don't like hurt. But I must say that I do love your existence, if you couldn't already tell.

Thought 3: Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do what other people want me to. But hey, life isn't all about just you, right? You live for yourself, but you live for the people you love as well. Or call me stupid, that's my concept.

Thought 4: Why am I up so late? I used to be in bed at 10 or earlier, but lately I've been lacking sleep due to the fact that I cannot sleep. And it's not because I'm not tired.. it's because my mind is filled with troubled thoughts, and an aching pain in my stomach that grows each and every night away from you. Which leads me back to:

Thought 2: I miss you so much it hurts. I'm utterly ridiculous, impossible, and plain out stupid for this. I'm aware. But I've always believed that you can't control emotions. And there is no way I can get these ones under control, even if I gave an honest effort. But the truth is: I don't want to have to.