26 April 2013
2013
It's 2013 and I'm ending my freshman year in college... Wow. I was reminiscing looking thought my old blog posts, and it makes me wish I still had the writing talents I had when I was a sophomore in high school.
So I've ended up in Greeley, Colorado in a long distance relationship with the boy of my dreams, and sometimes I find myself loving it and other times I find myself doubting my decision. Most days I feel like I get more sunshine here than I did in Las Vegas (even though it's not nearly as hot), and the rainy days here are lacking for any inspiration. I'm a college swimmer here at the university, which has basically murdered my creativity that thrived through my high school experience. And I've established myself as an introvert, by hardly ever going out and by having this long distance boyfriend.
College is supposed to be the time in your life where you branch out and meet people while making some of the most ridiculous memories of your life. Sometimes I honestly regret not going out every weekend and getting drunk, flirting with boys I hardly know, etc. But then I remember that isn't hardly who I am as person. I remember I have the guy of my dreams at home waiting for me to finish school before starting our lives together. And I remember the purity and respect I have in my life, and I know the college party life is definitely not the one for me.
Basically, life is happy. I'm never really down much lately, and that's because my life is perfectly planned out in front of me. I have goals that I set for myself and I've achieved them.
It's just sometimes I get selfish and want to live in the now. I don't want to have to worry about not doing something that will upset my boyfriend or my parents, and I don't want to have to worry about getting in trouble with the law and potentially lose my spot on the swim team. I just want to let loose and discover who I truly am, whether I find out what I already know or discover something hidden underneath this skin and these bones.
05 January 2011
First writing in a while. Song.
Before you life was different,
and chaos was my only friend
But things make sense when you're around.
We're all just like the rain
Never wanted, but always beautiful
and it seems on days of our predicted sunshine...
those are the days we decide to fall.
These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
Maybe it's the way the moon illuminates
every color in your eyes
Maybe it's the way you let your feelings show
while we're staring into the night sky
You said "I'm in love with your smile,
and I'm in love with your grace"
And while the radio sang us a lullaby,
in each other's arms,
we started to dream.
These thoughts were only meant for me
And I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
This is to the secret that we chose to withhold,
and never let be known.
This is to my heart's first break
and to its deterioration I cannot show.
It's to the whispers we shared at 2:58,
and the way life was suppose to go...
And even though chaos was my lingering friend,
I was not discouraged to let him go.
Because these thoughts were only meant to be shared between us.
And why did it take you so long to show up here?
Because you said you never knew of love
before you met me.
These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
and chaos was my only friend
But things make sense when you're around.
We're all just like the rain
Never wanted, but always beautiful
and it seems on days of our predicted sunshine...
those are the days we decide to fall.
These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
Maybe it's the way the moon illuminates
every color in your eyes
Maybe it's the way you let your feelings show
while we're staring into the night sky
You said "I'm in love with your smile,
and I'm in love with your grace"
And while the radio sang us a lullaby,
in each other's arms,
we started to dream.
These thoughts were only meant for me
And I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
This is to the secret that we chose to withhold,
and never let be known.
This is to my heart's first break
and to its deterioration I cannot show.
It's to the whispers we shared at 2:58,
and the way life was suppose to go...
And even though chaos was my lingering friend,
I was not discouraged to let him go.
Because these thoughts were only meant to be shared between us.
And why did it take you so long to show up here?
Because you said you never knew of love
before you met me.
These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
04 January 2011
Hello 2011.
I'm really glad nobody even pays attention to this blog anymore. I'm going to take advantage of this and use it as my kind of new, but old Tumblr now. But a blogspot. And it requires more thought and writing... which I totally enjoy!
I originally got a Tumblr for my own kind of personal diary. Since everybody was starting to read my blogspot, and were beginning to get a little bit too infatuated with my personal life. I also had nothing left to really write about, and I was busy, and life just got in the way. And Tumblr is more of an addiction these days than a get-away place for my thoughts and inner beliefs.
But as one of my New Year's resolutions, I promised I would start writing in this again. Especially since everybody else has honestly let this blog slip from their memory.
So now to begin my rants and complaining and joys of my current life!
Life is wonderful. Absolutely extraordinary. Of course, a little confusing in ways I will soon begin to grumble about, but that's what these marvelous teenage years are for anyways. And as I sit here listening to Dvorak's "The New World" Symphony, (which YES, our orchestra is totally working right now!), I'm happy I'm deciding to start this blog up again. Or at least somewhat.
To begin, I (of course) am going to complain and glorify my teenage love life. I wouldn't be me if I didn't, am I right? I am teenager so in love with the idea of being in love, and yet so repelled at the thought that true love actually exists. I've never seen it. I've grown up in a household where my parents never got along, and no love has even been shown between them. Sure, they were high school sweethearts, and I'm sure at a time their hearts beat miraculously when they saw one another... but nothing lasts forever. Nothing ever lasts forever. They now have "separated"... or whatever that means. And most other kids my age... their parents have been divorced as well. Is love something so common for someone to give up on? It just makes me wonder. I've been in a fair share of relationships for my age. Four to be exact. But I've learned something from everyone of them, and I never was one to just simply give up. I kept trying, even if the other one refused. One taught me true heartbreak, one taught be how much it hurts to be the heartbreaker, and the most recent one has taught me that you can't change anybody and their ways. And I now have somebody new and special, that I like very dearly. Perhaps the one I've liked the most out of all of the guys I've dated. There's a way he makes me feel that none of the others did. And the way there are silly little things that he does to make me feel like I'm the only one for him. But I feel like I say that every time, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Though I must admit, I have a great feeling about this one. And he makes me so unbelievable and unbearably happy.
Then there's this one other person... Boy, to be exact. And I just want to say that the concept of age just plain out sucks in high school. It's as if you're not allowed to be interested in anybody younger than you, or you're just a creep. Or a cougar. Yes, people claim that "age doesn't matter", but the moment you turn your back they'll be the first ones to judge and talk about you. But now that I've gone off on that tangent, back to this boy. We met this year, and we have so much in common that it's scary. It's also as if God created my idea of a "perfect" guy and just sent him down to earth, but made a mistake... and made him three years younger. And that's the part that creeps me out, and reminds me that it will just never be. Not right now. Not when I have a boyfriend. Not in high school. But the things he does is just absolutely incredible. The way music touches his heart just like it touches mine... unrealistic. His cute awkwardness that he doesn't realize... adorable. And the way he can keep me entertained every time I'm with him and has every little detail in common with me... amazing. But sometimes it's nice to have someone around like that to be your friend. And just your friend. Because relationships do get messy, and they do mess things up. And this boy is one I would want around for a lifetime if I could. He truly is my best friend.
As for orchestra... we finally did our Carnegie trip in November. Can you believe it's already a month, almost two, since it happened? I still can't, I feel like we were just preparing for it. But it was an incredible experience. The hall was beautiful, and we sounded amazing to say the least. I can't even begin to describe the happiness I was feeling during those few moments on stage. 2,000 tickets sold BEFORE the door that day... That's all I'm going to say. 2,000+ eyes were watching ME doing what I love most, in a place that is historically known. And the view from the stage? One I will never forget. Especially the ring of lights above Ms. Burger's head whenever you looked up at her for her conducting direction. Just unbelievable, along with the lingering sound of the last note. And yes... I did cry. I couldn't stop crying. That was the only time I'd ever be able to do something like that, and I got to do it at only sixteen years old. My life could be considered complete. And for the rest of the year... I'm excited. But I'm always stoked when it comes to my music, so that's nothing new.
And now lastly, for my exceedingly long blog post back... the college search. I have only a year and a half until I'm out of here, which I can hardly believe. But I feel like I should post and keep myself updated on these things.
I know my mind was completely set on Washington when I was posting all last year... And Seattle still remains my favorite city in the US... but they just don't have what I'm looking for. I've decided that I want to double major in Magazine Journalism and English, with a minor in music or photography. And Washington wouldn't be my best choice for that. So instead... The University of Oregon. My top choice, and the most recent campus I've fallen in love with. Indiana University. Northwestern University. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. And the University of Missouri. All have what I'm looking for in both school, and lifestyle. Perfect in their own ways, and all very hopeful options. I'm working hard in school too... well, kind of. I could do better, but couldn't we all?
And that's it. My long, heartfelt post back that I'm hoping nobody reads. Because that's why I'm keeping this now. Because I just need an old diary again.. And boy, did it feel lovely.
Farewell for now.
I originally got a Tumblr for my own kind of personal diary. Since everybody was starting to read my blogspot, and were beginning to get a little bit too infatuated with my personal life. I also had nothing left to really write about, and I was busy, and life just got in the way. And Tumblr is more of an addiction these days than a get-away place for my thoughts and inner beliefs.
But as one of my New Year's resolutions, I promised I would start writing in this again. Especially since everybody else has honestly let this blog slip from their memory.
So now to begin my rants and complaining and joys of my current life!
Life is wonderful. Absolutely extraordinary. Of course, a little confusing in ways I will soon begin to grumble about, but that's what these marvelous teenage years are for anyways. And as I sit here listening to Dvorak's "The New World" Symphony, (which YES, our orchestra is totally working right now!), I'm happy I'm deciding to start this blog up again. Or at least somewhat.
To begin, I (of course) am going to complain and glorify my teenage love life. I wouldn't be me if I didn't, am I right? I am teenager so in love with the idea of being in love, and yet so repelled at the thought that true love actually exists. I've never seen it. I've grown up in a household where my parents never got along, and no love has even been shown between them. Sure, they were high school sweethearts, and I'm sure at a time their hearts beat miraculously when they saw one another... but nothing lasts forever. Nothing ever lasts forever. They now have "separated"... or whatever that means. And most other kids my age... their parents have been divorced as well. Is love something so common for someone to give up on? It just makes me wonder. I've been in a fair share of relationships for my age. Four to be exact. But I've learned something from everyone of them, and I never was one to just simply give up. I kept trying, even if the other one refused. One taught me true heartbreak, one taught be how much it hurts to be the heartbreaker, and the most recent one has taught me that you can't change anybody and their ways. And I now have somebody new and special, that I like very dearly. Perhaps the one I've liked the most out of all of the guys I've dated. There's a way he makes me feel that none of the others did. And the way there are silly little things that he does to make me feel like I'm the only one for him. But I feel like I say that every time, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Though I must admit, I have a great feeling about this one. And he makes me so unbelievable and unbearably happy.
Then there's this one other person... Boy, to be exact. And I just want to say that the concept of age just plain out sucks in high school. It's as if you're not allowed to be interested in anybody younger than you, or you're just a creep. Or a cougar. Yes, people claim that "age doesn't matter", but the moment you turn your back they'll be the first ones to judge and talk about you. But now that I've gone off on that tangent, back to this boy. We met this year, and we have so much in common that it's scary. It's also as if God created my idea of a "perfect" guy and just sent him down to earth, but made a mistake... and made him three years younger. And that's the part that creeps me out, and reminds me that it will just never be. Not right now. Not when I have a boyfriend. Not in high school. But the things he does is just absolutely incredible. The way music touches his heart just like it touches mine... unrealistic. His cute awkwardness that he doesn't realize... adorable. And the way he can keep me entertained every time I'm with him and has every little detail in common with me... amazing. But sometimes it's nice to have someone around like that to be your friend. And just your friend. Because relationships do get messy, and they do mess things up. And this boy is one I would want around for a lifetime if I could. He truly is my best friend.
As for orchestra... we finally did our Carnegie trip in November. Can you believe it's already a month, almost two, since it happened? I still can't, I feel like we were just preparing for it. But it was an incredible experience. The hall was beautiful, and we sounded amazing to say the least. I can't even begin to describe the happiness I was feeling during those few moments on stage. 2,000 tickets sold BEFORE the door that day... That's all I'm going to say. 2,000+ eyes were watching ME doing what I love most, in a place that is historically known. And the view from the stage? One I will never forget. Especially the ring of lights above Ms. Burger's head whenever you looked up at her for her conducting direction. Just unbelievable, along with the lingering sound of the last note. And yes... I did cry. I couldn't stop crying. That was the only time I'd ever be able to do something like that, and I got to do it at only sixteen years old. My life could be considered complete. And for the rest of the year... I'm excited. But I'm always stoked when it comes to my music, so that's nothing new.
And now lastly, for my exceedingly long blog post back... the college search. I have only a year and a half until I'm out of here, which I can hardly believe. But I feel like I should post and keep myself updated on these things.
I know my mind was completely set on Washington when I was posting all last year... And Seattle still remains my favorite city in the US... but they just don't have what I'm looking for. I've decided that I want to double major in Magazine Journalism and English, with a minor in music or photography. And Washington wouldn't be my best choice for that. So instead... The University of Oregon. My top choice, and the most recent campus I've fallen in love with. Indiana University. Northwestern University. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. And the University of Missouri. All have what I'm looking for in both school, and lifestyle. Perfect in their own ways, and all very hopeful options. I'm working hard in school too... well, kind of. I could do better, but couldn't we all?
And that's it. My long, heartfelt post back that I'm hoping nobody reads. Because that's why I'm keeping this now. Because I just need an old diary again.. And boy, did it feel lovely.
Farewell for now.
14 December 2010
I figured I'd spill my lovey dovey feelings on here, since nobody reads this anymore, and I'm dying to get this out.
But nope. I'm not falling again. There's no way.
I don't think about you more than anything else in this world.
I don't always want your arms wrapped around me.
I don't love the way you kiss me.
I don't like the feeling of your fingers wrapped with mine.
Thinking about you never makes me giggle like a fool,
and talking to you doesn't make me smile like an idiot.
I totally can focus on everything, because you're never on my mind.
I don't miss you every second of the day.
I'm perfectly fine with not seeing you for long periods at a time.
Your laugh isn't the cutest melody that's ever been played through my ears.
Your voice isn't the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
I don't like running my fingers through your hair.
Looking into your eyes doesn't give me a fluttery-butterly feeling in my gut.
Your eyes aren't the most gorgeous shade of brown I've ever looked into.
Not every song reminds me of you,
I can't stand the way your jaw pops...
Your smile isn't the greatest one I've ever seen.
and I don't wish you were here right now.
because I only like you a little bit. And you aren't my everything right now.
We're nothing more than a phase, because nothing ever lasts.
Love isn't real. And neither is the way you make me feel.
And everything I just said was a complete and total lie.
I like everything about you. I love everything about you.
I am falling for you. And I'm falling hard.
I don't mean to sound crazy, or creepy if you will.
I just wish that you feel the same way about me too.
And it scares me to know that you can read this, just in case you don't. And the chances of you reading this are slim to none. I just had to get this out, so hopefully this blog isn't as popular as it used to be.
I just kind of like you. That's all.
I don't think about you more than anything else in this world.
I don't always want your arms wrapped around me.
I don't love the way you kiss me.
I don't like the feeling of your fingers wrapped with mine.
Thinking about you never makes me giggle like a fool,
and talking to you doesn't make me smile like an idiot.
I totally can focus on everything, because you're never on my mind.
I don't miss you every second of the day.
I'm perfectly fine with not seeing you for long periods at a time.
Your laugh isn't the cutest melody that's ever been played through my ears.
Your voice isn't the sweetest sound I've ever heard.
I don't like running my fingers through your hair.
Looking into your eyes doesn't give me a fluttery-butterly feeling in my gut.
Your eyes aren't the most gorgeous shade of brown I've ever looked into.
Not every song reminds me of you,
I can't stand the way your jaw pops...
Your smile isn't the greatest one I've ever seen.
and I don't wish you were here right now.
because I only like you a little bit. And you aren't my everything right now.
We're nothing more than a phase, because nothing ever lasts.
Love isn't real. And neither is the way you make me feel.
And everything I just said was a complete and total lie.
I like everything about you. I love everything about you.
I am falling for you. And I'm falling hard.
I don't mean to sound crazy, or creepy if you will.
I just wish that you feel the same way about me too.
And it scares me to know that you can read this, just in case you don't. And the chances of you reading this are slim to none. I just had to get this out, so hopefully this blog isn't as popular as it used to be.
I just kind of like you. That's all.
08 November 2010
05 August 2010
This is just another chapter in my book of life.
Everything has to fall apart before it can come together... right? And I still believe that everything happens for a reason.
I received some terrible news today, although I had seen it coming for the last couple of years. I just can't seem to embrace it, and it's killing me. I want to understand more than I should, look past everything and look for the faults. But I can't, and guilt can't help but overcome me. Even though none of this can possibly be my fault.
And I want to write about it. Write it all down, and vent all my emotions. But I can't, because it's far too personal and must not be read by others, especially those of you who aren't close to me at all.
I just have to say my mom is the most amazing person out there, in this world. She's so strong and confident when she has reasons not to be. I love her more than anything else I could possibly imagine.
I received some terrible news today, although I had seen it coming for the last couple of years. I just can't seem to embrace it, and it's killing me. I want to understand more than I should, look past everything and look for the faults. But I can't, and guilt can't help but overcome me. Even though none of this can possibly be my fault.
And I want to write about it. Write it all down, and vent all my emotions. But I can't, because it's far too personal and must not be read by others, especially those of you who aren't close to me at all.
I just have to say my mom is the most amazing person out there, in this world. She's so strong and confident when she has reasons not to be. I love her more than anything else I could possibly imagine.
31 July 2010
He never ever saw it coming at all.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright. I'm the hero of this story, I don't need to be saved. Oh, no ones got it all.
Oh life. Isn't it wonderful? And why yes, I do have the time to write about it at this very moment, because it's what I like to do. I mean, that's just if you were wondering... or making fun of it. I DON'T KNOW. I'm just saying. I would say I'm pretty decent at this writing thing too. It's also a better choice to spend my time rather than, let's say, gossiping about how a girl could be so "desperate" or a "slut" by twisting and reconstructing her words and actions into the way you wish it was. Or texting her pretending to be her ex-interest and doing nothing more than wasting precious moments alive. Or maybe even looking at her old blog posts about her times of anguish and misery, and doing nothing more than pointing and laughing. I mean, a girl in pain must obviously be hilarious. Especially if you have nothing better to laugh about, or enjoy. Or if you're just plain out pathetic. I've just got to get it out that if you were an agglomeration of boys doing that... oh man oh man oh man. You would have to be worse than the most ignorant girls I know or have heard of. But I DON'T KNOW. I'm just saying. I mean, if that were the case, but I wouldn't know anyways.
But moving on, no, I am definitely not sad. Maybe I was a tad humiliated in the beginning, but now I feel simply silly for feeling such despondency. I mean, the amount of compliments and admirations of my work and writing can't even compare to a one-night's moronic insults from opinions that mean nothing. I mean, there was only like, three guys that would even imagine of doing this. But I'm smarter than you may think, because I would never, ever name names. I think it's more fun that way, don't you? And who says I'm even saying this happened? Because as far as I'm concerned I'm just sharing feelings about the worst case scenarios.
I thoroughly relish writing my feelings down on paper, or my blog. I enjoy taking my emotions and making them into words that I can't say aloud, or face-to-face. It's a way of hiding, in a way, but staying sane. I also turn them into music, and write songs. Sometimes I record them, sometimes not. But either way, it still occurs. Ah, and some of you would know that already. You, being no one in particular. Obviously. But I don't think I need to explain myself anymore. Because I'm not deleting this blog, and I'm not changing the fact I like to shelter myself and my feelings behind these words. And honestly, you don't have to like it. If you don't then don't read it. If it entertains you for the wrong reasons, then that's unfortunate for you. But I don't apologize, and it's not upsetting me anymore. And believe it or not, there are people that enjoy reading my thoughts and emotions, or respect what I have to say. Those are the people that I love, and that I will respect in return. Unlike others... but once again, I refuse to name names.
I mean, I could post a picture of me with my two middle fingers up to the camera. That could've served as the thousand words I wanted to say in this blog post within a simple picture. But hey, I've already been there done that, and I'm not one to repeat history. And besides, this was a little bit more amusing for me anyways.
So in conclusion, I'm happy. Extremely and totally cheerful and elated. And I don't care about anybody's harsh or rude opinions anymore. Because I do not give a shit.
Fuck you. & Have a nice day.
Love always,
Katarina Ana Velazquez
PS. Words that you find it difficult to understand, I advise Dictionary.com. It's a pretty good website for people of little intelligence and a small vocabulary. And I'm going to be nice and put this blog into simpler terms for you so it's easier for you to comprehend, because I know reading this whole thing was NOT easy for you: I don't like mean people. Stop being mean.
Sometimes I wonder how I got to be so thoughtful.
PPS. BOOM ROASTED.
Oh life. Isn't it wonderful? And why yes, I do have the time to write about it at this very moment, because it's what I like to do. I mean, that's just if you were wondering... or making fun of it. I DON'T KNOW. I'm just saying. I would say I'm pretty decent at this writing thing too. It's also a better choice to spend my time rather than, let's say, gossiping about how a girl could be so "desperate" or a "slut" by twisting and reconstructing her words and actions into the way you wish it was. Or texting her pretending to be her ex-interest and doing nothing more than wasting precious moments alive. Or maybe even looking at her old blog posts about her times of anguish and misery, and doing nothing more than pointing and laughing. I mean, a girl in pain must obviously be hilarious. Especially if you have nothing better to laugh about, or enjoy. Or if you're just plain out pathetic. I've just got to get it out that if you were an agglomeration of boys doing that... oh man oh man oh man. You would have to be worse than the most ignorant girls I know or have heard of. But I DON'T KNOW. I'm just saying. I mean, if that were the case, but I wouldn't know anyways.
But moving on, no, I am definitely not sad. Maybe I was a tad humiliated in the beginning, but now I feel simply silly for feeling such despondency. I mean, the amount of compliments and admirations of my work and writing can't even compare to a one-night's moronic insults from opinions that mean nothing. I mean, there was only like, three guys that would even imagine of doing this. But I'm smarter than you may think, because I would never, ever name names. I think it's more fun that way, don't you? And who says I'm even saying this happened? Because as far as I'm concerned I'm just sharing feelings about the worst case scenarios.
I thoroughly relish writing my feelings down on paper, or my blog. I enjoy taking my emotions and making them into words that I can't say aloud, or face-to-face. It's a way of hiding, in a way, but staying sane. I also turn them into music, and write songs. Sometimes I record them, sometimes not. But either way, it still occurs. Ah, and some of you would know that already. You, being no one in particular. Obviously. But I don't think I need to explain myself anymore. Because I'm not deleting this blog, and I'm not changing the fact I like to shelter myself and my feelings behind these words. And honestly, you don't have to like it. If you don't then don't read it. If it entertains you for the wrong reasons, then that's unfortunate for you. But I don't apologize, and it's not upsetting me anymore. And believe it or not, there are people that enjoy reading my thoughts and emotions, or respect what I have to say. Those are the people that I love, and that I will respect in return. Unlike others... but once again, I refuse to name names.
I mean, I could post a picture of me with my two middle fingers up to the camera. That could've served as the thousand words I wanted to say in this blog post within a simple picture. But hey, I've already been there done that, and I'm not one to repeat history. And besides, this was a little bit more amusing for me anyways.
So in conclusion, I'm happy. Extremely and totally cheerful and elated. And I don't care about anybody's harsh or rude opinions anymore. Because I do not give a shit.
Love always,
Katarina Ana Velazquez
PS. Words that you find it difficult to understand, I advise Dictionary.com. It's a pretty good website for people of little intelligence and a small vocabulary. And I'm going to be nice and put this blog into simpler terms for you so it's easier for you to comprehend, because I know reading this whole thing was NOT easy for you: I don't like mean people. Stop being mean.
Sometimes I wonder how I got to be so thoughtful.
PPS. BOOM ROASTED.
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