Before you life was different,
and chaos was my only friend
But things make sense when you're around.
We're all just like the rain
Never wanted, but always beautiful
and it seems on days of our predicted sunshine...
those are the days we decide to fall.
These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
Maybe it's the way the moon illuminates
every color in your eyes
Maybe it's the way you let your feelings show
while we're staring into the night sky
You said "I'm in love with your smile,
and I'm in love with your grace"
And while the radio sang us a lullaby,
in each other's arms,
we started to dream.
These thoughts were only meant for me
And I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
This is to the secret that we chose to withhold,
and never let be known.
This is to my heart's first break
and to its deterioration I cannot show.
It's to the whispers we shared at 2:58,
and the way life was suppose to go...
And even though chaos was my lingering friend,
I was not discouraged to let him go.
Because these thoughts were only meant to be shared between us.
And why did it take you so long to show up here?
Because you said you never knew of love
before you met me.
These thoughts were only meant for me,
and I think that you came too soon.
Because these hands were never meant to hold,
...before I met you.
05 January 2011
04 January 2011
Hello 2011.
I'm really glad nobody even pays attention to this blog anymore. I'm going to take advantage of this and use it as my kind of new, but old Tumblr now. But a blogspot. And it requires more thought and writing... which I totally enjoy!
I originally got a Tumblr for my own kind of personal diary. Since everybody was starting to read my blogspot, and were beginning to get a little bit too infatuated with my personal life. I also had nothing left to really write about, and I was busy, and life just got in the way. And Tumblr is more of an addiction these days than a get-away place for my thoughts and inner beliefs.
But as one of my New Year's resolutions, I promised I would start writing in this again. Especially since everybody else has honestly let this blog slip from their memory.
So now to begin my rants and complaining and joys of my current life!
Life is wonderful. Absolutely extraordinary. Of course, a little confusing in ways I will soon begin to grumble about, but that's what these marvelous teenage years are for anyways. And as I sit here listening to Dvorak's "The New World" Symphony, (which YES, our orchestra is totally working right now!), I'm happy I'm deciding to start this blog up again. Or at least somewhat.
To begin, I (of course) am going to complain and glorify my teenage love life. I wouldn't be me if I didn't, am I right? I am teenager so in love with the idea of being in love, and yet so repelled at the thought that true love actually exists. I've never seen it. I've grown up in a household where my parents never got along, and no love has even been shown between them. Sure, they were high school sweethearts, and I'm sure at a time their hearts beat miraculously when they saw one another... but nothing lasts forever. Nothing ever lasts forever. They now have "separated"... or whatever that means. And most other kids my age... their parents have been divorced as well. Is love something so common for someone to give up on? It just makes me wonder. I've been in a fair share of relationships for my age. Four to be exact. But I've learned something from everyone of them, and I never was one to just simply give up. I kept trying, even if the other one refused. One taught me true heartbreak, one taught be how much it hurts to be the heartbreaker, and the most recent one has taught me that you can't change anybody and their ways. And I now have somebody new and special, that I like very dearly. Perhaps the one I've liked the most out of all of the guys I've dated. There's a way he makes me feel that none of the others did. And the way there are silly little things that he does to make me feel like I'm the only one for him. But I feel like I say that every time, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Though I must admit, I have a great feeling about this one. And he makes me so unbelievable and unbearably happy.
Then there's this one other person... Boy, to be exact. And I just want to say that the concept of age just plain out sucks in high school. It's as if you're not allowed to be interested in anybody younger than you, or you're just a creep. Or a cougar. Yes, people claim that "age doesn't matter", but the moment you turn your back they'll be the first ones to judge and talk about you. But now that I've gone off on that tangent, back to this boy. We met this year, and we have so much in common that it's scary. It's also as if God created my idea of a "perfect" guy and just sent him down to earth, but made a mistake... and made him three years younger. And that's the part that creeps me out, and reminds me that it will just never be. Not right now. Not when I have a boyfriend. Not in high school. But the things he does is just absolutely incredible. The way music touches his heart just like it touches mine... unrealistic. His cute awkwardness that he doesn't realize... adorable. And the way he can keep me entertained every time I'm with him and has every little detail in common with me... amazing. But sometimes it's nice to have someone around like that to be your friend. And just your friend. Because relationships do get messy, and they do mess things up. And this boy is one I would want around for a lifetime if I could. He truly is my best friend.
As for orchestra... we finally did our Carnegie trip in November. Can you believe it's already a month, almost two, since it happened? I still can't, I feel like we were just preparing for it. But it was an incredible experience. The hall was beautiful, and we sounded amazing to say the least. I can't even begin to describe the happiness I was feeling during those few moments on stage. 2,000 tickets sold BEFORE the door that day... That's all I'm going to say. 2,000+ eyes were watching ME doing what I love most, in a place that is historically known. And the view from the stage? One I will never forget. Especially the ring of lights above Ms. Burger's head whenever you looked up at her for her conducting direction. Just unbelievable, along with the lingering sound of the last note. And yes... I did cry. I couldn't stop crying. That was the only time I'd ever be able to do something like that, and I got to do it at only sixteen years old. My life could be considered complete. And for the rest of the year... I'm excited. But I'm always stoked when it comes to my music, so that's nothing new.
And now lastly, for my exceedingly long blog post back... the college search. I have only a year and a half until I'm out of here, which I can hardly believe. But I feel like I should post and keep myself updated on these things.
I know my mind was completely set on Washington when I was posting all last year... And Seattle still remains my favorite city in the US... but they just don't have what I'm looking for. I've decided that I want to double major in Magazine Journalism and English, with a minor in music or photography. And Washington wouldn't be my best choice for that. So instead... The University of Oregon. My top choice, and the most recent campus I've fallen in love with. Indiana University. Northwestern University. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. And the University of Missouri. All have what I'm looking for in both school, and lifestyle. Perfect in their own ways, and all very hopeful options. I'm working hard in school too... well, kind of. I could do better, but couldn't we all?
And that's it. My long, heartfelt post back that I'm hoping nobody reads. Because that's why I'm keeping this now. Because I just need an old diary again.. And boy, did it feel lovely.
Farewell for now.
I originally got a Tumblr for my own kind of personal diary. Since everybody was starting to read my blogspot, and were beginning to get a little bit too infatuated with my personal life. I also had nothing left to really write about, and I was busy, and life just got in the way. And Tumblr is more of an addiction these days than a get-away place for my thoughts and inner beliefs.
But as one of my New Year's resolutions, I promised I would start writing in this again. Especially since everybody else has honestly let this blog slip from their memory.
So now to begin my rants and complaining and joys of my current life!
Life is wonderful. Absolutely extraordinary. Of course, a little confusing in ways I will soon begin to grumble about, but that's what these marvelous teenage years are for anyways. And as I sit here listening to Dvorak's "The New World" Symphony, (which YES, our orchestra is totally working right now!), I'm happy I'm deciding to start this blog up again. Or at least somewhat.
To begin, I (of course) am going to complain and glorify my teenage love life. I wouldn't be me if I didn't, am I right? I am teenager so in love with the idea of being in love, and yet so repelled at the thought that true love actually exists. I've never seen it. I've grown up in a household where my parents never got along, and no love has even been shown between them. Sure, they were high school sweethearts, and I'm sure at a time their hearts beat miraculously when they saw one another... but nothing lasts forever. Nothing ever lasts forever. They now have "separated"... or whatever that means. And most other kids my age... their parents have been divorced as well. Is love something so common for someone to give up on? It just makes me wonder. I've been in a fair share of relationships for my age. Four to be exact. But I've learned something from everyone of them, and I never was one to just simply give up. I kept trying, even if the other one refused. One taught me true heartbreak, one taught be how much it hurts to be the heartbreaker, and the most recent one has taught me that you can't change anybody and their ways. And I now have somebody new and special, that I like very dearly. Perhaps the one I've liked the most out of all of the guys I've dated. There's a way he makes me feel that none of the others did. And the way there are silly little things that he does to make me feel like I'm the only one for him. But I feel like I say that every time, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Though I must admit, I have a great feeling about this one. And he makes me so unbelievable and unbearably happy.
Then there's this one other person... Boy, to be exact. And I just want to say that the concept of age just plain out sucks in high school. It's as if you're not allowed to be interested in anybody younger than you, or you're just a creep. Or a cougar. Yes, people claim that "age doesn't matter", but the moment you turn your back they'll be the first ones to judge and talk about you. But now that I've gone off on that tangent, back to this boy. We met this year, and we have so much in common that it's scary. It's also as if God created my idea of a "perfect" guy and just sent him down to earth, but made a mistake... and made him three years younger. And that's the part that creeps me out, and reminds me that it will just never be. Not right now. Not when I have a boyfriend. Not in high school. But the things he does is just absolutely incredible. The way music touches his heart just like it touches mine... unrealistic. His cute awkwardness that he doesn't realize... adorable. And the way he can keep me entertained every time I'm with him and has every little detail in common with me... amazing. But sometimes it's nice to have someone around like that to be your friend. And just your friend. Because relationships do get messy, and they do mess things up. And this boy is one I would want around for a lifetime if I could. He truly is my best friend.
As for orchestra... we finally did our Carnegie trip in November. Can you believe it's already a month, almost two, since it happened? I still can't, I feel like we were just preparing for it. But it was an incredible experience. The hall was beautiful, and we sounded amazing to say the least. I can't even begin to describe the happiness I was feeling during those few moments on stage. 2,000 tickets sold BEFORE the door that day... That's all I'm going to say. 2,000+ eyes were watching ME doing what I love most, in a place that is historically known. And the view from the stage? One I will never forget. Especially the ring of lights above Ms. Burger's head whenever you looked up at her for her conducting direction. Just unbelievable, along with the lingering sound of the last note. And yes... I did cry. I couldn't stop crying. That was the only time I'd ever be able to do something like that, and I got to do it at only sixteen years old. My life could be considered complete. And for the rest of the year... I'm excited. But I'm always stoked when it comes to my music, so that's nothing new.
And now lastly, for my exceedingly long blog post back... the college search. I have only a year and a half until I'm out of here, which I can hardly believe. But I feel like I should post and keep myself updated on these things.
I know my mind was completely set on Washington when I was posting all last year... And Seattle still remains my favorite city in the US... but they just don't have what I'm looking for. I've decided that I want to double major in Magazine Journalism and English, with a minor in music or photography. And Washington wouldn't be my best choice for that. So instead... The University of Oregon. My top choice, and the most recent campus I've fallen in love with. Indiana University. Northwestern University. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. And the University of Missouri. All have what I'm looking for in both school, and lifestyle. Perfect in their own ways, and all very hopeful options. I'm working hard in school too... well, kind of. I could do better, but couldn't we all?
And that's it. My long, heartfelt post back that I'm hoping nobody reads. Because that's why I'm keeping this now. Because I just need an old diary again.. And boy, did it feel lovely.
Farewell for now.
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