Trust.

I can trust my boys. First and foremost. They're like my big brothers; always there to catch me when I fall. Call me ignorant when necessary. Would kill the people that even attempted to hurt me just a little bit. They can make me laugh in any absolute given situation, and know exactly what they can do to make me smile. They're who I will always go to first for advice, or the first people I will go crying to when there is too much on my mind. They will make sure they're shoulder is always open for my head to rest, and are my basic support. So I love you Sean Smith & Thomas Meek; you are my main trust-guys. It's satisfying to know that I am able to trust at least some males.

I can trust my girls. They are there to listen to my complaining, and listen to every single detail of my current life. They know me better than I know myself, and know when I have my head too high in the clouds. I can trust them with never letting me down, and they definitely are my favorite people to hang out with. So I love you Marina Vail, Maddy Dolginoff, and Sarah McKay; you remind me that not all girls are selfish, and actually care about others. .

“To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." And I love you, I'm pretty sure. But I do not think I can trust you. No matter what you might be feeding my mind through your words. Words mean nothing unless they are backed up by actions. And your actions are definitely not so reassuring, nor convincing.

So please... convince me?

I swore I'd never fall again.

But this don't even feel like falling. Gravity came again to pull me back down to the ground again.

Oh Beyonce, your music is another guilty pleasure of mine. You're brilliant.

Confusion.

My thoughts are so cluttered right now. I can't even understand what I'm thinking and it's torturing me. They're bringing me this complete and utter emptiness inside my stomach. It's almost as if I can feel it, and it hurts. I want so many things I can't have. I want to be truly happy. I want to not over-analyze every little precise thing that happens to me. I want my boyfriend to not live so far away. I want to be able to see him whenever I want. I want to not miss him so much, since I know the feeling truly isn't mutual. I want to get better grades in school. I want the determination to be a better swimmer, no matter how much I despise it. I want to have the determination to finish a classical piece on the piano. I want to have the time to practice my viola more often. I want to be good at something; anything. I want to be the best at everything I do. I want to lose all this weight I've gained from my laziness overwhelming me. I want to be taller. I want to not argue with my parents about everything. I want my dad to be happy again, which would cause the rest of us happiness. I want my brother to know how much I love watching him swim. I want my best friends to realize how much I love them. I want more friends that will be true to me. I want people to actually be real with me. I want to say everything that's on my mind. I don't want to be afraid to say anything I want to.

I guess if I tried, I could do all of these things. But sometimes it just feels so difficult. And it's probably because it is. In my mind at least.

Forget-me-nots.

They're definitely my most favorite kind of flowers.

I guess they just make me happy. They're so pretty, and there's something about them that sets off a trigger of pure satisfaction throughout me. And just the name of them are slightly significant to me too right now.
Forget me not.

A story of a girl.

She had been feeling such despondency for far too long. She had been waiting for those three simple words from you to reassure her enamor; yet they had been unsuccessful. Your touch sent such a rush to her heart; yet his such a rush to her mind. Confusion is now her greatest companion, for she doesn't know how to comprehend her emotions. Long days and star-filled nights will pass before she will even think to. She believed in the faith that you failed to display; now she believes in his beautiful illusion. She believed that she could make you change for the best; now she believes in his almost perfection that does not need to be changed. She believed that she could fall in love and avoid getting hurt again; now she believes that there is no such thing. "Only lust exists" is what her mind has convinced her, so therefore she must follow. She will only accept the affection she finds herself deserving of, and from when you've shown her, she deserves nothing. From what he's shown her, she deserves everything.

So why is such complication fluttering her mind? You cannot answer this, and neither can he. But the worst part is that she lacks an answer to this question as well.

Hero.

She had sought the great oblivion of love,
and the feeling of security that she had been so neglectful of.
She would go weeks without feeling slightly enamored,
her heart would lack insignificant clamor.
She wanted nothing more than a hand to hold,
a pair of lips to kiss,
someone to call her hero,
someone to miss.
But this was nothing but a beautiful dream,
because her heart was split into two.
And that is the very moment where she realized
that this hero had certainly existed in her life before,
yet she is the one who bid her saddest adieu.

Okay,

I'm ready for you to miss me now.

Like really. You can start any time you want to.