My thoughts are so cluttered right now. I can't even understand what I'm thinking and it's torturing me. They're bringing me this complete and utter emptiness inside my stomach. It's almost as if I can feel it, and it hurts. I want so many things I can't have. I want to be truly happy. I want to not over-analyze every little precise thing that happens to me. I want my boyfriend to not live so far away. I want to be able to see him whenever I want. I want to not miss him so much, since I know the feeling truly isn't mutual. I want to get better grades in school. I want the determination to be a better swimmer, no matter how much I despise it. I want to have the determination to finish a classical piece on the piano. I want to have the time to practice my viola more often. I want to be good at something; anything. I want to be the best at everything I do. I want to lose all this weight I've gained from my laziness overwhelming me. I want to be taller. I want to not argue with my parents about everything. I want my dad to be happy again, which would cause the rest of us happiness. I want my brother to know how much I love watching him swim. I want my best friends to realize how much I love them. I want more friends that will be true to me. I want people to actually be real with me. I want to say everything that's on my mind. I don't want to be afraid to say anything I want to.
I guess if I tried, I could do all of these things. But sometimes it just feels so difficult. And it's probably because it is. In my mind at least.
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