I decided to sight-read the first movement of Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" tonight, because it's my absolute favorite piano composition, other than Chopin's nocturne op. 9 no. 2. I realized I loved it even more when I could comprehend the emotions Beethoven was trying to reveal through it. When I was feeling it; playing it; re-living it. I'm not saying it sounds perfect, or that I'm professional at it. It was just the ultimate feeling of finally understanding it, and not just admiring it.
But anyways, playing it brought back memories. A strong, yet sweet nostalgia made my bones grow cold. It brought back the memories spent with you; the most painful of times, yet the most beautiful times as well.
And it made me miss you. Well, not you, because it seems like this process of change has gotten to the best of you. And I as well. But I simply miss the feelings of perfection, yet sadness, at the same time, and the feeling of a never-ending roller coaster. Feelings that were impossible for me to even describe, and would make me seem completely mindless if I tried. Just the basic & cliche emotions of first love. They say you never forget your first love, so why do I find myself trying so incredibly hard to prove them all wrong? I feel selfish, yet practical. But I really don't know what, or how, to feel.
But I should keep my lips closed from this point on, because I don't want to make it appear like I want my past again. Because honestly, I don't. At all. I appreciate everything in my life right now, and I would be a fool to want it any other way. I just like to reassemble my memories every once in a while. To remind me who I am, and how I became to be.
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