I'm happy.

"The silence isn't so bad, until I look at my hands and feel sad, because the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly."

Nothing to write about. Except for the plain and simple thought of total happiness.
Life is good.

Let's just get married.

Tonight, I say we just get out of this town,
Let's go to Seattle and watch rain fall on the ground
And on our tongues, "I love you's" run into each other,
But could I really trust her?
She said, "Hey, baby, baby boy, why you always look so sad?"
"You've got the whole world in the palm of your hand."
But it don't mean a thing if you're not next to me
I'm so sick, so sick, of just always dreaming....

I was feeling quite artistic yesterday. I guess it was the whole two minutes of rain this Las Vegas weather got to experience. It's sad when that much can inspire me. I need to get out of here. Only two more years? I'm counting down the days.

All photos taken & edited by me:

"This is because I can spell confusion with a 'K', and I can like it."

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?"
"The truth is that I've never fallen so hard."
"That crooked smile of yours... it knocks me off my feet."
"I hope to see you soon. Because you are fond of me, and I am fond of you."
"I realized that your laugh is the best sound I've ever heard."

"Those three words I said too much... were not enough."

No stress, no stress, no stress.

Oh I know. Cliche Jesse McCartney lyrics as a title. But hey, we all have our weaknesses. And I would consider myself to be stressing out right now. I'm so ready for tomorrow to be over, and exams to be done with. I didn't do nearly as well as I would have liked, but I'm not going to go on a common rampage of how I wish I could've done better in school etc, etc. Because I would consider that a goal of everybody's at my age, and I just didn't achieve it. My fault. I'll gladly take the blame.

"I hope I see you soon. Because you are fond of me, and I am fond of you..."

Is it absolutely terrible to fall so quickly? I've been one to be known to fall fast, and to fall hard.. but this is all so new to me. And the fact that no one cares to understand how I'm feeling isn't helping at the least. Maybe it's because I don't know what exactly I'm feeling? I mean, it hasn't even been a month... I would never see myself feeling like I am now. It makes me sad sometimes, and makes me contemplate if my feelings are true, or if my hormonal teenage instincts are kicking through? I would swear on my life that it isn't, and that I really am feeling this way. But who am I to know? I'm still so young and naive.
I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I'm so intensely satisfied, I shouldn't have to worry about these emotions that have been meddling with my thoughts. The fact that I can bring out a side to someone no one else has ever seen.. a deeper & more thoughtful side.. makes me feel useful, and that I'm really not just this waste of space. I'm so determined to figure out this mystery, on my own. It makes me understand things so much more, and makes me feel that much more special.

But whatever. You know how that goes.

Stolen.

These emotions are pouring out of me, sooner and faster than ever before. This is real. This is what I've been wanting almost all along. I had obstacles to overcome, tried new roads, had a few u-turns, and sped up a few times; but this is the journey I've always been wanting to take. And I didn't even know it.

Nothing can describe my happiness at this very moment. I know to some this may seem like nothing but deja vu, and that I'm just love-struck yet again. But it has to be different, because this is such a new feeling. I swear to you. I sit here, just thinking about everything: what was said, what needs to be said, what can be assumed, what other people say, mistakes that were made... just everything. And it brings me such a satisfied feeling. I guess it's safe to say that I honestly don't regret anything. I'm gracious of who I have become, and who I am becoming. I am thankful of the people that walked into my life, and the people who decided to leave. Also, the people I myself decided to leave. I am blessed to live a life where I don't have to worry about the basic necessities, because my family is so good at supporting me. I mean of course, life isn't "perfect". There's no such thing. I still have personal problems, and things that could be fixed. But it's pretty close to that feeling of perfection as you can possibly get.

And I leave this blog with nothing but a huge smile on my face, and his smell still lingering on my clothing.
Not in a creepy way though.

Brahms, you changed my life.

Johannes Brahms, Concerto for Violin and Orchestra in D Major, Opus 77.

One of the most brilliant pieces I have ever taken the time to listen to. It was written in 1878, it's now 2010, but I can almost understand exactly what he was trying to portray. Oh Brahms, you were such an angry and distressed man, from what I can consume from a majority of your compositions. But you had to have been in love when you wrote this piece. It's so beautiful, and can describe every single feeling of love in simple melody. It made me reminisce, yet think about my future as well. Brahms, you made me realize that love is really capable of attaching itself to anybody. Everybody hurts from it, yet they are so addicted to that high feeling you get when in it. You get addicted to the feeling of absolute perfection, and complete satisfaction. Addicted to the insanity of your heart pumping every time you're around that person. It's something that seems so indescribable, and that's what makes it so incredible. And your second half of the second movement brought me the most emotion that I've felt through music for a while. I was in tears. It's so absolutely perfect, I can't even begin to characterize it.

I guess what I basically analyzed from this piece is that love is the addiction of fulfillment brought to you by another person, stronger than anything else you could possibly ever feel. It can bring emotions that are so foreign to anybody, and has the capability of changing them, even if just temporarily. It's basically just the craving of the human heart. But maybe I'm just over-analyzing.

If I die clutching your photograph,

Don't call me boring...

It's just 'cause I like you. :)

No deep thoughts today. They haven't been common to me recently. But I've been so unbelievably happy lately, it's expected. When you're near the feeling of absolute perfection, it's hard to analyze things. And to be completely honest... I don't want to. I wouldn't want to ruin anything that seems to appear more than beautiful.

Hi 2010.

I'm so extremely ready for you.
I could write a great huge blog on how excited I am for this upcoming year. But I'm not going to.
Because this year is going to be about doing things I wouldn't normally do, and is going to be filled with risks I wouldn't usually take. I'm ready to finally live my life. I turn 16 in twenty days, and from there, I hope it's nothing but a little bit more freedom.

Basically, I'm stoked for this year. Bring on the memories.