Konstantine.

"I can't imagine all the people that you know, and the places that you go when the lights are turned down low..."

As one of my final blogs for 2009, I figured I'd write about something that changed who I am as a person completely. Something that changed my life completely. Something that inspired me to live my life the way I do, and something that is more to me than it could be to anybody else I know. That something would be a song by the name of Konstantine. I never would have thought that a song could have so much power and could be so convincing to me and my everyday life.

"And you don't want to be here in the future, so you say the present's just a pleasant interruption to the past."

The first time I ever heard this song was from my best friend at the time. It was sort of like a love-at-first-hear kind of deal, because I played that song on repeat for nearly a month after that, I could swear to you. The lyrics were so beautiful and significant to me, and the melody could make me burst into tears from such elegance every time I played it. I immediately started learning it on piano, and I had it down almost within a week of learning it. I made it my own in a way, changing some rhythms and lyrics so it could be more personal to myself. Learning and analyzing this song is what showed me the true beauty of music that people fail to find in their life times. During the time period where I was learning it, I felt emotions that I could have never even imagined before. I felt like I was walking in some ravishing utopia, and that everything in the world made complete and total sense... but at the same time, it showed me such sadness that I would cry just playing the opening verse. I had never felt what it was like to truly be living before I was introduced to this song, so that makes me give all my thanks and gratitude to Carlee Oswald, because she deserves some credit for why I'm so interested in music, if I don't say so myself. Thank you.

"And if I hurt you, then I'm sorry. Please don't think that this was easy."

This song has helped me through both my best, and worst times. I guess I will start with the worst, since that's always what people seem to want to hear. There was a time in my life where I felt such depression and had such pessimistic thoughts, that I never wanted to even bother seeing the light. No one could get through to me; not even my family or best of friends. This song seemed so realistic to me... almost like as if it were written just for me. It was almost like I had my own personal Konstantine. The lyrics were so strong and well-written, and just figuring out what Andrew really meant through it kept my mind off of all my restless and saddening thoughts. They were all so abstract and had a deeper meaning than just the beautiful words he decided to use... & I could tell that he was hurt. And badly at that. Just like me. And the fact he could be so clever about it seemed to amuse and inspire me more and more everyday. It still does. I could bet that I've listened to this 9 minute song more than a million times now, and I still don't know everything McMahon was feeling. But I'm content with that. Because that's the true beauty of music. A true musician is never fully understood.

"This is because I can spell confusion with a K, and I can like it.
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it.
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car.
When the first star you see may not be a star.
I'm not your star.
Isn't that what you said?..."

As for the ways this song helped me through the best times of my life? Sure, every time I play it or listen to it, I tear up and remember past times that I'd rather not... but this song is what showed me what I want to do forever with my life. Music. The reason I bang on my piano keys (not literally), and the reason I bother rosining up my bow for my viola. The reason I decided I want to start learning and analyzing more and more music; the reason I even picked up my guitar. And most of all... the reason I started writing music. I never thought I could get so much that needed to be said out in just simple melody. It makes me so ecstatic to think that something could be so understood, yet not at the same time... it's really something too unbelievable. But I'm more than happy that it's something that could be a part of my life,

"My Konstantine, they'll never hurt you like I do.
No, they'll never hurt you like I do.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...."

I could write so much more on how this song affected my life, but I would only begin to sound repetitive. And there aren't enough words in the English vocabulary that could fully describe it for me. No one understands what this feels like, and it's okay; I've accepted that. I get odd stares and giggles every single time I say I'm in love with Andrew McMahon and his musical brilliance; but I'm more than okay with that too, because I know why. & I honestly don't need to explain myself, because I am who I am, and I'll think what I want. I'll let whatever or whoever influence me, and what I determine seeing in life. But all I wanted to do was really spill on how much of an inspiration a song could be, and that everyone should find their own personal Konstantine. Not as in the person-wise, because everyone will eventually find him or her. But as in the song. I feel that if everyone could finally understand music, as in REAL music, not just the crap you hear on the radio daily... the world would become closer to peace, and understanding one another wouldn't be so impossible. I may be a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

"Did you know I missed you?... I miss you."

The basic point of me writing this:
-I love music, and live it. And I can explain thoroughly why, unlike 99% of people that say that "it's their life." Really? Make your own reasons why, and don't sound so cliche. Everybody loves music; but there's a difference between loving it, and living it.
-Everyone should at least sit down for 9 minutes and give this song a listen. It's definitely worth your time. I promise.
-I feel like every man should think like Andrew McMahon, and be able to express their feelings like him.
End of story.

"Because we all need a little more room to live...My Konstantine."